The Nanny Man

The Nanny Man

Author Notes: This is written both by Nick Lentz and myself. It's a humorous and random script that was made with the perhaps of perhaps being made into a flash animation, cartoon, or short comedy some day. Yet another project that was put on the back burner to probably never be accomplished!

This is not intended for younger readers.

Characters:

Victor (trying to rise back to the top)
Fetti Cinni (Victor's side kick)
Norm Hick (kid)
The Don (Not all there)
Cathy Hick (the mother)
Hobo (not all there)

Scene 1

(Dons Office)

The Don - (Inaudible talking)

(Body guard 1 enters)

Body Guard 1 - Don, McDonalds hasn't been paying their protection.

The Don - I'm with somebody talk to Tony

(Victor Enters)

Victor - You wanted to see me?

The Don - We have a slight problem, there's no mayonnaise on this sandwich.

Body Guard 1 - Sir, your condition...

The Don - I would shoot you now, but I'm running out of family. As I was saying you're out of the family business, Victor. Apparently, that incident with chicken feathers at the family's annual party didn't go over too well.

Victor - I thought this was about mayonnaise.

The Don - Don't change the subject. You're out, but you'll still have work. (Don hands Victor paper) Cathy Hick...

Victor (interrupts) - You want me to whack her?

The Don - Do not discuss your personal desires with me. She has a kid. You get to play nanny. Call the number and shell give you the time and place. Get out.

(Victor leaves)

(Don takes bite of sandwich)

Scene 2 (Next day)

(In city)

(Victor walking down sidewalk encounters a hobo)

Hobo - four times fifteen pieces is not...

Victor - What the hell did you say..?

Hobo - No I didn't!! Leprechaun! (Points at a dancing leprechaun)(Hobo laughs hysterically)

(Victor looks but there isn't anything there)

(Victor keeps walking to pay phone)

(Victor looks at paper)

Victor - Damn long distance..

Hobo -(passes by) Armageddon!!

(Victor dials number)

Cathy Hick - Put the hose down! Hello?

Victor - You have a job for me? You need a babysitter right?

Cathy - You have my address... pick him up at 7 P.M. And try to avoid where I work the corner of 5th and Maple. Oh, by the way, it's his birthday today so give him a good time. And don't forget to give him his pills he tends to get light headed every now and then. Later.

(Victor hangs up. He turns to exit phone booth.)

Hobo - (pushing his face against glass door) Bwahh... Zombies, they got me... Go on I'll be infected soon. (Hobo falls on sidewalk and spasms.)

(Victor takes alcohol bottle out of hobo's pocket. Takes a swig, looks at his watch and walks away. )

Scene 3

(Shows Fetti watching TV in recliner. Reaches down and starches his ass. He passes out. Surrounded by beer and cheese)

Scene 4

7:00 p.m. (in front of Cathys)

Victor pulls up on moped, gets off. Walks up to door and rings doorbell.

Cathy - You must be the guy.

Victor - That's me.

Norm - (walks into door) Mom where's my Mr. Robo Guy?

(Flashes back to Cathy cramming Mr. Robo Guy down toilet.)

Cathy (in flash back) - Goddamnit flush!!

Cathy - (present) I don't know Honey.. I gotta go

Norm - (excited and energetic) Oh my god oh my god! Do you know what today is?

(looking at calendar which reads "Tuesday the 25th", takes out liquor bottle) Uh.. Friday?

Norm - NO NO NO NO NO! It's my birthday! I have a cake! My mommy made it!
(both go into kitchen, cake is sitting on table. Camera cuts to cake, which has hair and cigarette butts in it)

Norm - My mommy said it was ber-bun flavored. And she said if I don't eat it then she'll have to give it to Sparkles.

(Camera cuts to reveal a three-legged dog with no tail.)

Victor - Cute dog kid. (Pulls out a cigarette) where's a lighter?

Norm - They're up in the no-no door. Mommy said that I can't have the lighter because what happened to the wooden man last time.

(flashback to living room. Shows a man with a wooden aesthetic leg talking to Cathy. Norm has a lighter.)

Cathy (flash back)- Yea, it'll be 70 bucks after we're through. Any requests during will cost extra.
(Norm crawls up to "wooden man" and lights his leg on fire)

Norm - (present) Wanna pet my chipmunk? (holds up a rat) I found him in my sheets this morning. Mommy says he's a gift from god.

Victor - Your mom says a lot huh kid?

Norm - Yea, especially when she drinks a guy named Mr. Daniels, he lives in a bottle.

Norm - I want my cake. I'm hungry and it's my birthday. (Sets his rat on table) Cake Cake Cake Cake!

Victor - Okay, kid. Calm down. Where is the no no door so I can get a lighter? (Victor and Norm exit
dining room into kitchen. Rat knocks a nearby bottle of Mr. Daniels liquor onto cake.)

(cuts to kitchen with Norm and Victor)

Norm - (pointing) It's way up there. Mommy says there's a magical lock on it so I can't get into it while she was working or upstairs watching horror movies.

Victor - Horror movies?

Norm - yeah, she usually has a man over and they go upstairs. See she doesn't tell me that they watch horror movies but I know, because I can hear them scream.

Victor - Hmph...

(removes magic lock (twisty tie) from the cupboard door handles) (Inside cupboard is a wad of money, some nose hair clippers, and a Mr. Happy Face lighter)

Victor - Here we god.

(Takes lighter into dining room... removes bottle from the cake. Norm sits in chair in front of cake. Victor lights candles on cake)

(Cell phone rings)

(Victor turns away from cake and Norm, who has a big smile on his face)

Fetti Cinni - Vick? Fetti. Hey man, I need your help. I got my hand stuck in my ass again.

(meanwhile candle falls into cake and sets it ablaze. Norm goes cross-eyed and passes out into the fire)

Victor - Oh c'mon man I'm busy... How'd you do it this time.

Fetti - I dunno man! I woke up, and it was in there and in there good. I mean like, I'm playing tug-o-war with my colon right now.

Victor - Okay, I'll be taking this kid to the batting cages around nine. Meet me there.

Fetti - But I don't know where the - (Victor hangs up phone) (Victor turns and faces Norm, who is on fire)

Victor - Damn!

(Hobo looks in window)

Hobo - AHHHH! (Hobo's right eye droops, hobo falls over)

(victor picks Norm's head up out of flaming cake, slams head against table to extinguish the flames)

(After flames are put out, Victor searches for Cathy's cell phone number. Finds it underneath rat, rat droppings are scattered about)

(Dials number)

Random male voice over phone - Oh, you like dat?

Cathy - (in bored voice) - Oh yea.. that's great...

(inaudible male voice being heard throughout call)

Victor - Uh, Cathy? You busy?

Cathy - oh, no. He's keeping himself entertained pretty well.

Victor - Hey, uh, Norm.. passed out on the.. uh.. couch, Um, what do I need to do to wake him up?

Cathy - Have you tried slapping him a bit?

(flashback to Victor banging Norm's head off table to put out flames)

Victor - Uh, yeah I'm pretty sure that's not gonna do it.

Cathy - Just ring the bell on the table twice then.

(Voice turns away from phone)

Cathy - You wanna play rough?!

Random male - Oh god! No! Nooooo!

(Victor hangs up)

(walk over to table and rings bell twice)

(Sparkles walks over to Norm and licks face)

Norm - AHHHHHHH!

(grab's dog's leg and rips it off"

(Hobo in window)

Hobo - Ahhhhh! (Left eye looks up while right is still looking down)(Falls over again)

(Dog is expressionless and tips over)

(Hobo running around with a cape and boxers on)

Scene 5

(Batting Cages)

(Norm has bandages on his head)

Norm - I'm bored, bored, bored, bored, borrreeeddd!

Victor - Go cut some paper or something. I'll be back.

(Victor goes to the paying booth, Hobo is in it)

Victor - Her can I get some uh, tok-uh, what are you doing?

Hobo - Dinner Dinner Dinner good chicken

(hobo is cooking a boot over a fire on the counter, flips the boot.. )(Token laying next to a gas can)
(victor takes

(Victor returns to Norm whos hand is impaled by scissors. Threes no paper anywhere)

Scene 6

(Inside Batting cages)

(Norms hand is bandaged with scissors still inside it)

Victor - Lets see if I still got it from high school load up that mutha.

(Norms loads pitching machine, hand with scissors get caught in launch tube)

Norm - Ahhhh!!!

(Hand gets pitched, Victor hits it with bat. Hand hits Norm in face)

(Breaks glasses), (Norm falls asleep)

Victor - Yeah! Home Run!

(Cuts to Hobo eating boot, drinking a canister of gasoline)

Hobo - Dancing Pineapples!

(Shows booth exploding)

(Cuts back to batting cages. Fetti is there he is wearing a cheese hat)

Fetti - You ready to take care of my problem?

(Norm is still sleeping)

(Victor and Fetti go to the car, Vic ties Fetti's submerged hand to cars muffler)

(Victor starts up car and pulls hand out of ass)

(Fetti is grasping the remote)

Fetti - Hmm.. I guess it would have been easier if I would have let go

Victor - Yeaaa...

(Victor heads back to get Norm, Norm is gone, hand is still laying there)

(Victor looks around and spots Norm in the distance)

(Norm is scared by a shadow and runs towards hobo thinking it's his mom)

Norm - Mommy!

Hobo - Grandpa!

Victor - Nooooooooooooo!

Fetti - What?

Victor - ..Nothing

The Blinding Darkness

The Blinding Darkness

Author Notes: This was a story that I wrote that needed to have a Halloween theme. I actually wrote a second part of this story that involved a different point of view and what happened after the ending of this story. It was rushed to meet a deadline and I have it hidden in the depths of a file to perhaps edit someday.

This story isn't attended for younger readers.

The detective restlessly entered his house. It was the same thing every night. He went through the usual routine of putting his hat and jacket on the nearby hanger. His thoughts filled up his mind and his body was simply moving on by rote memory. He had gone over this case with a fine-tooth comb, but where he looked for answers he had only formulated more questions; each one creating more of a complex and contradicting case than the last. Victims were found in pieces spread out in different towns and locations. No fingerprints, clues, hints, or evidence had been left behind. The oddest thing about this case was that the cuts on the victims resembled that of an animal's claws ripping and tearing through the flesh more than it did a human's weapon. The killer either had created his own crude killing tools or had a pack of animals to carry out his cruel commands.

"Yeah, or it's a monster."

I was tired; we were all tired. I half convinced myself that it obviously couldn't be a monster, but I also couldn't come to terms that a human could be doing this. I wanted to quit my job. I could have easily been a truck driver or a factory worker. Hell, if I had finished college then I could have been a teacher. I always filled my thoughts with dreams such as finishing college but I wasn't one for learning. In fact, I couldn't remember anything or anyone from my few miserable college years. Deep down inside I knew why I had chosen my career. Ever since my parents had been murdered during a robbery I had sworn that I would protect the innocent.

"Hell, listen to me. I want to help others and most of the time I can't even control my own life."

The night would end like any other, with me taking a few shots of cheap vodka and some pills to calm my nerves. I'm sure a doctor wouldn't recommend the combination, but at that point in my life I didn't really care anymore. Soon I would drift off into blackness; the blackness of my sleep - the blackness of my life. It always seems like I haven't slept. It's almost as if my alarm goes off as soon as my head hits the pillow. The morning differed very little from the night. I still went through the usual routine, but just with different activities. There was no time for the usual breakfast. Only time for a shower, which was surprisingly still damp from the last time I had used it. The torture of leaving the warmth of the shower was like no other. I soldiered through and before I knew it I was on the road heading to work.

The town had been full of petty crimes ever since the killings started. I could have pulled over several speeding cars on my way to work, but we had been given orders to only go after the major offenses. I didn't receive much of a greeting when I reached the office. As soon as I walked in I was prompted to leave. Samuel hadn't shown up to work today and hadn't been answering his phone too. We were supposed to be finding a way to end this killing epidemic, but here I was, a seasoned vet, doing a wakeup call for one of the rooks. It was only a few miles to Samuel's house and I still knew the way from the one night he had invited some of the guys from the force over for a few beers. As I pulled into his driveway I noticed his car wasn't in the usual location. I casually exited my car and made my way to the front door. It was actually a nice change of pace to get out of the station and its inevitable mountain of paper work and evidence.

"Huh, the front door is open..."

For the first time, the thought that this could be a perilous situation entered my mind. My hand instinctively grasped the gun holster on my belt as I carefully entered the half open door. I instantly knew something wasn't right. There was furniture carelessly flipped over and many things that pointed to what might have been a robbery. Chances were the person that had done this was long gone, but with the way the crime rate had risen I had to be prepared for the worst. I walked into the living room. It was all too familiar to the time that I had come home late that one Halloween night; the night my parents were murdered.

I was a senior in high school at the time. Like most other teenagers the night consisted of destruction of public property and a large amount of alcohol. I had put off coming home to prolong the inevitable screams and yelling for not following my curfew. I entered the house through the back patio in hopes of avoiding my parents. Even though it was pitch black inside I had entered my house enough in similar situations in the past to know my way around.

"A few paces ahead, three to the left, feel for the... that's not right..."

I went to feel for the TV stand, but was met by nothing but air. Perhaps I had one too many to drink and ended up losing myself in the darkness. I blindly guided myself to the far wall where the light switch was located. At least I assumed I was heading in the right direction. My hands aimlessly felt the wall.

"There it is."

I flipped the switch and my eyes reacted as they had just seen light for the first time in hours. My eyes focused. The TV stand had been flipped over, the house lay turned upside down, and my parents were murdered.

A crash interrupted my thoughts. It had come from a nearby hallway. Sweat poured down my forehead. As tough as I made myself appear on the outside I was just as weak on the inside. Behind the bedroom door was the source of the sound I had heard just moments before. With one hand gripping my gun and the other slowly twisting the door knob open, I cautiously made my way into what appeared to be a bedroom. This room was just as trashed as the rest of the house. A quick scan of the room failed to locate the source of the sound, but I knew there was something there. I could feel it. I made my way to the opposite side of the bed. I caught sight of a foot, attached to a leg, attached to a body - a body of a man. The body lay there motionless with a cover blanketing its upper torso.

I was scared before, but now I was practically shitting my pants. I grasped the cover and slowly pulled it away from the body. I had found out why Samuel had never shown up to work. He was dead.

His eyes and mouth were open as he lay dormant on the ground. I couldn't stand to see him like this. Out of respect my finger tips gently closed his eye lids. An ear bursting scream emitted from what I had thought was Samuel's corpse. I tripped, stumbled, and landed on my face. As quickly as possible I spun around, gun in hand.

"What the fuck are you doing in my house Andy?"

I ignored the question out of pure anger and adrenaline.

"I thought you were fucking dead you cocksucker... you almost made me shit myself."

Andy reached for the clock, pulled it down, and immediately screamed.

"Piece of shit alarm clock!"

I was still utterly confused. Andy explained to me that the party he had the night before had gotten a little out of control. I gave him about twenty minutes to clean himself up before we'd head off. About twenty five minutes later he opened the front door, still half dressing himself.

"Get in the car rook. We have more important things to worry about then irresponsible police officers being late to work."

On the way to the station Samuel told stories about the wild night including how he had left his car at the convenient store after he was too drunk to drive home. I was clearly annoyed with him, but oddly enough he didn't notice. We couldn't have reached the station any sooner. Another minute of his ignorance and I might have lost it. We walked in together, but now his mouth was shut. Perhaps he had finally realized the massive ass chewing he was in for.

"Samuel, get in car five and make your rounds. Andy, go get the fax we just received from the back room."

That was just my shitty life. The rook is hours late and nothing happens, but I follow every command and I'm handling the grunt work. Just like a lab rat I followed the orders and found myself in the backroom. I figured there was no harm in taking a peek at the fax before anyone else.

"New DNA evidence found from the recent..."

Then there was darkness. The lights in the back room had just suddenly shut off. I walked towards the light of the exit.

"Slam!" The door had shut right in front of my face.

"What the fuck's going on?"

I slammed against the door, screamed, yelled, kicked, but no matter what I did the door wouldn't budge and my voice wasn't heard. The only connection that I had with the outside world was the view I received via a small square four by four window in the middle of the door. There was movement from the corner of the hall. My heart stopped. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A creature covered with bloody, mangled fur emerged from the darkness. It scraped its claws along the wall making a terrible screeching noise. It peered through the window. There was no way it could have seen me because of how dark it was in the room, but yet it stared directly into my eyes. I was too scared to move. The creature snarled an evil grin. I felt as if its grin tore into my soul. My lungs started to burn, my head felt like it was going to explode, and slowly every square inch of my body was consumed by pain. I faint into the darkness.

I awoke, but it felt like no time passed. The door that had once locked me in was open. I slowly slid out of the door, gun in hand. The lights that had been filling the hallway flickered. I made my way down the hallway, but heard no commotions or noises.

"I'm dreaming... this has to be some sick nightmare."

What used to be my partners now were nothing more than massacred corpses whose spilt blood filled each and every room. I looked away from the vile sight. I needed to do something, but I was the only one left.

"Wait... no... we had five cars out on patrol."

I searched and looked, but every phone, every walkie, and basically every way to communicate had been completely destroyed. My house wasn't far. I could hide out there long enough to call in for backup.

"Looks like I'll have to call the army in..."

I couldn't stand it there anymore. I ran to my car. No stop sign, red light, barricade, or even crime could stop me from driving now. It felt like hours before I pulled into my driveway. I burst out of my car, my feet hitting the ground faster than they ever had before. I arrived at my door and the phone so quickly that I almost didn't notice the shadow, the figure; the same beast that I had seen in the station. Down the hallway stood this monster, motionless, waiting. I drew my gun and squeezed the trigger.

"Click, Click, Click... How could I be empty?"

More seconds passed; maybe minutes. One step at a time I managed to muster up the strength to advance. This creature - this beast; it was no monster at all. In fact, it was a mere costume. A costume that I had once worn during Halloween. Of course, it had been modified. Claws, teeth, and a bullet proof lining. I fell to one knee.

My parents sat there screaming at me. Something ticked this time. Their yelling painfully echoed in my brain. It would be the first time I killed.

My second knee hit the ground.

A woman pulled out in front of me on the freeway. I followed her home. The next night I came in disguise to rip her throat out with my claws. I spread pieces of her body around to make searches last longer than needed.

Both of my hands hit the ground, supporting my ever increasing weight.

I picked up the fax from the backroom of the station.

"New DNA evidence found from the recent murder cases reveal that officer Andy Jacobs has been directly correlated..."

That was all I had to read to realize what I had to do. I crumpled up the paper, put on a vest, and shot down each officer. Knowing that I could buy more time for when I turned back, I destroyed each and every form of communication in the station. Satisfied with my actions I returned to the backroom.

And now I was at my house. It might have seemed like a coincidence, but when I heard the sirens outside of my house I knew everything had gone according to plan. It was a plan that I might not have known about, but one that I created. I slipped on my costume. I was ready to kill again.